Cultural and religious family celebrations can pose various challenges when balancing your health goals and the expectations of family members.

Food is a massive part of religious and cultural celebrations and signifies togetherness and sentimental family moments.

There can be a lot of nostalgia attached to foods and drinks, and it’s normal to want to enjoy some of these.

Additionally, no one wants to offend a parent, aunt, or grandmother by turning down their delightful handcrafted traditional dessert or snack. Still, we have to consider how to balance respect for others with our own desired outcomes.

In this guide, we'll explore how to balance our intake, keep our family happy members happy, and still move toward our health goals.

See your dietary intake as self-care

Some foods are more nutritious than others and it’s important to consider this when building a framework of foods for any religious or cultural event.

Being honest about your own health goals while still being sensitive to those around you can help you to prioritise yourself without offending others. It's essential to prioritise yourself first so you can be the best version of yourself for others.

For example, if you know that your grandma always makes baklava and will be offended if you turn it down, you may want to factor this in as your chosen sweet at that meal.

Or if you don’t want to eat it, you can explain that you are too full and ask to take it home with you. They'll probably be happy knowing you've gone away with something.

Don't fall into the trap of 'feeling that you can't say no'

When we say no, we can often feel as though we are being rude rather than empowering and respecting ourselves. It can be challenging to find the balance between the two and can often lead to feelings of guilt.

Food is a love language, so when people offer you foods that aren’t on your meal plan, try to match this by showing care and affection in how you talk and acknowledging that you understand this is what they are trying to do. This helps to avoid offending anyone.

Calmly explain how you feel. It might be that they don't understand what your goals are, or how these changes will help you achieve them - help them to see why this matters to you.

Here are some examples:

“That looks so good, but I found out recently that my blood sugar is higher than it should be, and I’m scared that I’ll get diabetes, so I really want to act now to make sure that doesn’t happen”

“I’m going to stick to vegetables and protein sources at the meal today if that’s ok - I’m trying to reduce my weight a little so that I’m better able to play e.g. football with my sons, as I’ve been struggling to do that recently”

This is also a useful way to turn the tables to ask for their support - be that asking for encouragement, or more tangible things like getting them to pick up a healthy ingredient from the supermarket to contribute to the event.

It’s important to note that there may be times when you've listened, explained, and even tried to get them involved, and nothing will change. Feeders will still try to feed.

It’s in their nature. There will also be those people who just don't understand why you might want to lose weight or change your lifestyle. That’s ok.

While you might not have been able to understand each other successfully, you can still change your own response - so use it as a source of empowerment rather than a source of frustration or guilt for giving in. You can say 'no' knowing you have done your best.

Questions to ask yourself ahead of the event

Mental preparation is key if you are feeling stressed and anxious about the upcoming family event.

We recommend that you take time to ponder on the following questions to help overcome any doubts or fears on this subject of saying no:

You can now try having this conversation with yourself using these questions first. You can even write this down or use it as a way of journaling.

You can think of questions, answers, how it all makes you feel and how you would ideally like to respond in a way that is right for you.

At the end of the day, you are making a great commitment to yourself and to your health. Consider why you signed up, how you felt, what you have achieved so far and who will benefit from your changes.

Is it them? Or is it me?

Sometimes, we build ourselves up, convinced that we will offend the host if we say no to a food or a drink, when actually, that just isn’t the case at all. It can help to ask ourselves the following question:

“If I was the host, and this person was coming to my house, and they reached out to me ahead of time and said that they were currently not eating sugar, and could they bring a fruit dish with them for dessert, would you be offended?”

If the answer is no, think about whether or not you are justified in your fear.

Balance what you give and receive

Something you can also try is to make a list with two columns. One side shows ways you can give to the family meal or celebration that drain you or misalign with your goals and the other side shows ways you give of yourself that refresh you. The aim is to do more of the second column if possible.

Here’s an example:

Some responses to try and find a balance for yourself could be:

Another suggestion could be to offer to cook a dish when you go to visit which might give you more control.

Remember also to recognise when to accept the situation. If you are visiting for a day for example, it won't undo all the hard work you've made with your healthy changes in the past week.

Flexibility and balance is key in maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and with food, wherever you may be and in different situations.

Have a positive discussion

Having prepared as best you can, you may want to think about how to have a positive discussion at the event, should the topic of your food choices come up.

Firstly, think about where your family member’s comments/actions are coming from - they may be caring for you, showing affection or trying to make you happy.

People are generally resistant to change if they haven't sparked it for themselves and may want to turn your food choices into a debate.

Here are some ideas for how you can change the conversation so it is a more positive discussion:

- Show your boundaries: “I’m happy that works for you, but that doesn’t work for me, I’m trying this programme to develop a better relationship with food and focus on my health”.

- Be vulnerable: “I’m just over dieting and the constant battle, I’m now focusing on a holistic approach to my health and would really value your support”

- Empower you: “I’m feeling really positive working with this new approach, maybe you could try it too, it would be fun to learn this together”

- Share Successes: "I feel so much better/I've lost 'x' amount of weight/I'm sleeping really well"

Also take the opportunity to talk about your new changes if someone comments or compliments you.

Make the conversation about your healthy changes and how they are making you feel, rather than making it about being on a 'diet'. For example, ‘I have been focusing on reducing alcohol and I sleep so much better, something I've always struggled with.'

This way, the benefits are for you, and not something you are trying to impose on them.

Drinking alcohol at social events

If you feel declining a drink leads to your hosts feeling awkward, find an alternative drink to have with them so that you are still enjoying and spending time with them.

Set some expectations with the hosts such as letting them know in advance that you will only have a couple of drinks, or that you will be alcohol-free for this event.

You can prepare for this by thinking about what your friends and family might say and how you'll respond to them about not drinking.

Practical tips to summarise